"Call to Me"

One of the joys I've had as a mom has been to homeschool my kids.  

It has been an adventure studying each child deeply enough to know how to teach them. 

We have had GREAT days and difficult days...that is just how it is when you combine teacher and mom together.   

(Joshua is now in public school because of my headaches)

 

I wanted to share this journal entry with you.  For me, writing is one way I can process through my muddled thoughts into clarity.

I tried to upload pictures...but it wouldn't work.  :(

BACKDROP:

I was sitting with Angela patiently teaching her a concept in math.  

The problem wasn't that she didn't understand.  

It was that she didn't want to do it and refused to put any effort into doing it right.  

She persuaded herself that she didn't, and couldn't, understand.

Of course, my head hurt....and my heart hurt that she was not using our time wisely.  (my head only has a limited amount of time, plus my sister-in-law was watching Jeremy for a couple hours so I could focus better)

January 19, 2010

Lord, it breaks my heart when I give my all, 

in patience, 

sacrificing my own will for the sake of helping my child and they take it for granted.  Not only that but despise it and throw it in the dirt.  

She does not realize the agony it causes inside of me.  Her heart is stubborn, selfish and spoiled.  She has taken all the goodness I have poured out and ignored it, only focusing on the hard problem at hand.  Does she not see all I have given up for her?  Of course not.  She doesn't realize that somewhere else she wouldn't get the instruction, approval, grace, encouragement, free time, game time or the creative aspect of school that she experiences today.  She just doesn't get it.

Father, I pour this out to You because You are very familiar with this scenario.  You have give US, Your children, everything we need to be satisfied and content.  You provide for us physically, spiritually, emotionally.  

You have given us more than we need.  

You gave us Your Son who sacrificed His will, His body, His love for US...

and yet, what do we do?

Complain.

Grumble.

Pout.

Our perspective is so limited, 

so shallow.

The problem I face is often all I can see rather than putting that problem in it's place in comparison to the goodness that You have poured out on me.  When You extend Your firm guide toward me, it is to shape me into a pure and holy vessel.  Your purpose is not not to cause pain, or to make life hard, but for my best and to draw me to Yourself.

So there she sits on her chair, for at least a half hour now,

Angry.

Resting my hand on her shoulder I say, "when your heart is humble and ready to listen, instead of argue, CALL ME and I will COME and HELP you."

I want to help her.  I want her to succeed.  I want her to have the joy of conquring.

But an angry, stubborn heart cannot hear that message.  All instruction is shut out.  The lies of Satan are the only thing that appeals.  Those subtle lies that cause doubt of the One who who LOVES us.

Lord, guard my own heart from stubbornness.  It only produces anger at You, anger at others.  

An angry heart often is attractive at first because it stand up for my own will, 

my pride, 

my self.  

It is all about me.  

And for a short while it feels good.  

Lies those subtle lies.

A stubborn heart does not lead any where but to grief, pain, suffering and destruction (of self and relationship).

If only she would call to me!  
I would answer quickly and help her solve her math problem.  Then she would be done.  She could enjoy fellowship once again with me.  We, together, would conquer the rest of school.  
It would be fun and full of discovery.

Is that what You say to me, Lord?

"Call to Me.  I will answer you quickly.  I AM your answer.  I will satisfy your every desire.  

In ME, the I AM, Yahweh, is your life, peace and joy.  

When we are in right relationship, pure from sin, you will find completeness.  You will discover the purpse of life and the adventure of life with ME."

SHE just CALLED my name!  

I've gotta run...

Jenn

 2 CHRONICLES 16:9

...for the eyes of the LORD  move to and fro throughout the earth that HE may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.

 2 CHRONICLES 34:27

"Because your heart was tender and you humbled yourself before God...because you humbled yourself before Me, tore your clothes and wept before Me, I truly have heard you," declares the LORD. 

 PSALM 34:4,6

I sought the LORD and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

This poor man cried and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. 

PSALM 66:17, 19

If I regard wickedness in my heart, The Lord will not hear;

But certainly God has heard; He has given heed to the voice of my prayer.