Backwards Halloween

What were two clowns 

and Darth Vader 

doing this morning?

 

Backwards Halloween

I am not a big fan of Halloween.  So when we were invited to participate in something that would use the halloween day as a vehicle for sharing God's love we were down with it.

The idea was to reverse the "halloween trick-or-treat" idea into a time of giving and loving instead.

      We dressed up, bought some candy and went down the street to Tent City: an area where the homeless take up shelter in their tents.

      It was a beautiful sunny morning so many people were out walking around or sitting on the road.   The kids loaded up their hands with candy and boldly went from person to person greeting them and handing them sweets.

      The smiles we received were precious!  A couple people were overcome with gratefulness, especially seeing young children being a part of it.  Most of them were amused and just enjoyed the candy.  A few too drunk or stoned to really care.  There were only two children that we saw, dirty, snotty little ragamuffins.  They were a little scared of the costumes but lit up like light bulbs when they were given candy!

      It would be easy to judge the people there because many of them choose to be there because of handouts, free food from a nearby ministry, or their choice of lifestyle. 

      Growing up downtown I saw many things.  I experienced people who said they were in need but when food was given to them instead of money they rejected it.  They only wanted support for their alchohol or drug addiction.  Yet at the same time my heart would grieve for them with compassion.  Not because of their lifestyle but because of their need for a Savior.  They were trapped in a place of lonliness, hopelessness, sadness, sin and shame.

      The dirt and trash, the smell, the language, the  incoherent stupor that many are in does not bother me.  All that is on the outside of the body.  But what is in the heart is the important part.  They want to be wanted just like all of us.  They want to be loved just like all of us.  They want to be free and find satisfaction just like all of us.  But they are lost, just like we all are, or have been.  They all need Jesus Christ, just like us all.

      Often I am too judgemental or impatient to really see people as God does.  I have prayed many times that God would increase my love and compassion for people.  When we pray this God is faithful to open the eyes of our hearts and to give us a love like His.  To lay down our lives...our rights, our comfort, our preconceived ideas, our selfishness...in exchange for a joy that is beyond compare.

Hillcrest Pumpkin Patch

Hillcrest Pumpkin Patch

A beautiful day - an adventurous place to discover.

Jeremy loved having his cousin Edie there to play with.

The best part was the train ride.  We had to wait a while, but it was worth the wait!

Our newest cousin, Emery.  Such a sweetie!

 

 

The Three Tales

The Three Tales

 1. Language 101
One of the fun things with adopting a child from a foriegn contry is the language transition.
Jeremy has crossed over to english very well and every day is understanding more and more.
Yesterday morning I was letting our dog, Izzy, out of her crate and she did her routine stretches, shake, then little sneeze.  It always makes me laugh how cute she looks when she does her morning stretches.  It makes me want to hug her!
Jeremy was eating breakfast in the kitchen, where Izzy's crate is also.
I commented to Izzy, "You are so cute Izzy girl."
Jeremy looked so confused and questions, "GIRL?  Izzy's not a girl!"
Andrew and I couldn't help but laugh!
Jeremy had no idea why I would call a dog a girl (a human)! 
I wrapped him up in my arms and snuggled him with kisses.


Someday we'll explain whats a girl/boy facts to him, instead we just let it slide and enjoyed the moment.

2. Got Fever?

Joshua has had a fever for the past 2 days so he has stayed home from school.  Angela has enjoyed having him home!
This morning he woke up not feeling good at all (it was time for more medicine).

You know your boy is growing up when he wants to watch football instead of a movie.  Because Joshua was out of it I was going to let him watch a movie.  But instead he wanted to watch a football game on ESPN.360 on the computer.

 Angela and Jeremy sat with him for a while too.

3. Police!  

 Last night, while Andrew was gone helping with some construction/repair work at church, I took the kids upstairs to the out door "play roof" while it was still light out.


(Back when I was a kid, and lived in this 3 story building, this was where we played.  It is on the roof of the floor below, and has walls and fencing all around it to make it safe).

All 3 kids haven't played together in a while so they had a great time of tag and hide 'n seek

I let them yell and be loud as they chased each other around.  We don't have anywhere else they can do that so they went at it with all their hearts.

As it began getting dark I took the kids downstairs and put Jeremy in the bathtub.

Just at that moment my Grandmother came up the stairs (with her caretaker) to her little apt. that is located next to our's.
The caretaker was calling out my Dad's name...which is unusual so I went out to see what she needed.

Up past her strode two police officers!

Surprised and concerned I went toward them and asked what was wrong and how I could help them.

The younger officer (in his early 20's) was quite abrubt and asked me to "contain your dog, mam".
(Izzy was at the door to greet them with her usual friendly curiosity and tail wagging).  Both officers followed me into the house as I put Izzy in her crate.

The younger guy announced, "We were called over here because of a disturbance of children screaming.  We've been walking around the building trying to find a way to get in.  It sounded very bad and we are going to look around."

"Oh no!"  I groaned, "We were just upstairs playing and the kids were awfully loud!  I am so sorry!  You must have heard them playing.  One of our boys is from an orphanage and is used to being very loud.  Please, look around.  Would you like me to show you where we were?"

I had to call my Mom because Jeremy was in the tub.  She came down and escorted the gal officer up to look around while the guy prodeeded to look around our house.
He came back to me and asked questions.

Jeremy thought it was quite cool that a police man was in HIS house.
The abruptness began smoothing out of the officer as Jeremy kept interrupting him with his non-stop talking, "I'm Jeremy.  I'm 4.  Are you a police man?!  What are you doing?  I am from Haiti.  You go to Haiti?  I fly in a airplane!"

As the police were satisfied with their search and took down our information I thanked them for their concern.  If there really were kids in trouble it is good that there were people who took the time to call and get involved.

Even though everything was fine my heart was pounding after they left.  It was nerve wracking having police appear at my door all of a sudden!

But all ended well.

His mercies are new every morning

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." 

Last night we had the fire place on.

It was such a cozy feeling.

The crisp, cool air was seeping in through the windows yet as I sat in front of the fire place the warmth circled around me like a blanket.

Comfort, calm, peace.

My lower back is still in a lot of pain.  It took a while to get to sleep last night because of it.  The evenings are the worst.  It is a constant ache.  I've been trying to stay sitting or laying down as much as possible.  

Andrew and the kids have been wonderful helpers.  It is hard for me to be so helpless.  As a wife it has been my duty and my joy to provide an atmosphere of rest and peace especially for Andrew when he comes home from work.  But since I am out of commission the weight of responsibility is heavier for him rather than lighter.  He is taking it so well but I can see it wearing on him.  It has been a long month.

When we rest in the strength that God provides 

it doesn't make it easier to get through 

but it makes it possible to get through.

I cannot express in words the gratefulness I have for every single person who has 

prayed for us, 

encouraged us, 

given us scripture, 

said they were thinking about us, 

watched the kids,

provided a meal or groceries.

I am thankful for you, the body of Christ, and the love that you have shown us.   No matter how small or big the gesture, it is through you that God has sustained us.

Home sweet home.

Driving back home from the air port was such a crazy deal. It seemed like such a distant time ago that I drove down that road last. I can't even remember the last time I actually drove our car.
Seeing our kids for the first time in "forever" was so wonderful. I missed their hugs and kisses so much.

I had to arrive in a wheelchair because it hurt too much to walk.
It was kind of funny.
I left Fresno with a headache and came back in a wheelchair!

The last procedure that I had done was another blood patch. Which was targeted at the leak in the spinal fluid at the bottom of my spinal column. The immense pressure that was put on the nerves on my lower back to the back of my calves was unbearable. But they got the blood in the area they needed it to go. It takes a while to recover from this. Since my body went through a bunch of other things it was already kind of beat up. So the next couple days, week, is all about recovery.

Today has been a good day. I've been able to sit and walk around.

Sometimes when I get up I feel fine.

Other times I get shooting pain that comes from my lower back all the way up to my brain and all I can do is sit back down.

Baby steps, baby steps.

Here are a bunch of pictures for your enjoyment:

MEET SPINEY:
(please, I know what you are thinking, "What in the world is that?!" Well, I blame it all on my childish sense of humor. I thought that since I was going to have this grand adventure of doctor visits -and spinal fluid- that I might as well take a friend along for the ride...thus, Spiney was born.)

SPINEY IN ARIZONA TAKING A BREAK IN THE COOL SHADOW OF A CACTUS

GREAT PIZZA PLACE:

did you see Spiney?

The doctors beat me up a bit. A guy injected a dye 2 weeks ago into my arm before a scan and didn't put enough pressure on it this is what it looked like a couple days after, bruises all up and down my arm (it looked worse in person):
Here's what it looks like today:
I just told everybody that Andrew was misbehaving so I put him in a choke hold and this is what happened to my arm....nobody seemed to believe me though. I don't know why not.

SPINEY'S FAVORITE ICE CREAM JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE OUR FAVORITE ALSO:
Oh, you'll love this story:

The "schedulers" had me come in at 7am to get pledgets put up my nose. This was for a radiation scan to see if any spinal fluid was leaking out my nose (I had this done in my home town but they messed up on the tests so we had to do them over again).
I say "schedulers" because all they do is schedule people coming in and out. They don't know what tests are what.
The doctor wasn't going to scan my body until 12:45pm. That's over 5 1/2 hours after these pledgets went in. I couldn't understand how they would stay in that long, but oh well.
11:30am came very slowly. I can't explain what it is like having three cotton sticks stuffed up each side of my nose. It felt like they were touching my brain. My snot could only go into them or down my throat. Unfortunately after 4 hours they were full of snot and my nose didn't want them in there any longer. I began sneezing uncontrollably.
They were coming loose.
We had to go back to the ENT doctor and have new ones put in.
Can I just pop a little detail in at this point. Putting those little buggers in there IS VERY PAINFUL.
Then I went back to the doctors and was injected with the radiation...painful.
Then I rolled onto a stretcher and was taken to the scanners where I laid for a half an hour choking on my snot, trying to hold still.
Then I was rolled to a waiting area and was laid out for another 1 1/2 hours until I got scanned again. 1/2 hour of holding still choking.

Here I am trying my best to not look dead:

SPINEY WAS MY PAL
Then I finally gave the scanner guy the wonderful priviledge of pulling the cotton goobers out. It was so lovely...and SO PAINFUL!
But I've never loved blowing my nose so much until then.


SPINEY WAS SUCH A TROOPER THAT WE TREATED HIM TO SUSHI IN ARIZONA WHEN HE WAS FEELING OKAY:

found the leak, coming home

okay, sorry I haven't updated in a while.
I've been doing lots of tests.
Lots of uncomfortable and painful tests.
They finally determined the exact location of the leak. It is towards the bottom of my spinal column.
I had another blood patch done this morning.
It was localized right at the leak in hopes of hitting it square on and sealing it up. The procedure wasn't as painful as the last one but my back is still in pain and sore. I have to lay down and not lift anything for a while during the healing process.

My head is not throbbing in migraine pain like it was this morning. But time will tell if this has solved my daily headache/foggy head pressure.

We are planning on flying home tomorrow, Friday.

I cannot wait to see the kids.
It has been almost 2 weeks that we've been here and a week before we left I was laid out and couldn't take care of the kids. So really, it feels like an awful long time since we've been together as a family.

We've been told that the kids are doing well, although they miss us. We are thankful for family who have made this possible for us, especially in providing a safe and secure atmosphere for Jeremy.

Please pray for my endurance and recovery.
I've been poked and tested, stuffed and drained for the past two weeks. My body has undergone so much. My muscles are rebelling and if this last procedure doesn't work I don't know if I have the stamina to endure any more.

We're going home: that's all that matters to me right now.

Andrew has been a wonderful advocate, looking out for me. I am thankful that God has put him in my life. He is the perfect balance to me and knows what I need and how to take care of me.

The LORD will be a stronghold for the oppressed,
A stronghold in times of trouble.
And those who know Thy name will put their trust in Thee,
For Thou alone, O Lord, dost not forsake those who seek Thee.
Psalm 9:9-10

Friday morning I had a CT scan. What an easy deal! Whew. In and out, done.

We met with the Ear Nose Throat (ENT) Dr. later that morning. After all the tests and exams and looking at the CT scan he couldn't find any evidence of spinal fluid leaking (SPL).

He said he is 98% sure that I don't have a leak.

That is okay by us, we want the right answer not just any answer.
But honestly...REALLY??!! What other thing can it be? What other dead end road is waiting for us to travel down it?!

I can't say enough appreciation for our neurologist. He talked with the ENT and they discussed what to do next. He also talked with other neurologists, that he meets with to discuss difficult cased, about my situation. He said he will call us on Saturday to let us know what he wants to schedule next (on Sat.! Going out of his way, very nice of him).

The only things that point to a SFL are my symptoms of headache relief when I lie down and the test we did in Fresno with radiation that was put into my spinal fluid and was found on the matierial they stuck up my nose (which means the only way to get their is leakage draining out). So they will probably do a repeat of that study to find out if it was done accurately. Because when it was done it wasn't full and complete in their scans and readings.

This morning we hiked around Silly Mountain, just a few minutes away from where we are staying. It was quite a hike. The landscaping here is mostly rocks, dirt, shrubbery, and tall cacti. In fact the dirt was mainly small crushed up rocks. Beautiful in it's own colorful way.
It was great walking around after a week of waiting and sitting.
But afterwords my head was killing me.

We are staying with Andrew's Aunt. She is hospitable and easy to be around. She has made it relaxing and comfortable. It is such a blessing to stay with family rather than at a hotel. It is about an hour away from the Mayo Clinic.

THANK YOU FAMILY AT HOME TAKING CARE OF OUR KIDS.
We know that it is exhausting work, and although we know you love it and don't think twice about doing it, at the same time we realize that it takes extra effort and energy. I wish that I could be like Star Trek and beam the kids here and back. It's so tough being away from them.

tick-tock, goes the clock

We saw the Ear Nose and Throat (ENT) doctor at 9:00 this morning.
Unfortunately after he did tests, examined and questioned me he isn't convinced that I have a Spinal fluid leak.
He wants to run a CT scan that will better show if there is a leak.
We were told to wait for them to contact our insurance for approval then they'd call us with the schedule for the CT scan.

It's 2pm and we're still waiting.

It is so hard to wait. I don't want to be away from my kids any more than I have to. Each day that we aren't making any progress is another day away from them.

My worst fear is that they are going to keep doing these tests. Still find conflicting information. Never come to a conclusion and the answer will be, "you'll just have to live with this."
I don't think our neurologist here would tell us that. He's pretty determined.

I really miss my kids.
I hardly saw them last week because I was in such pain.
Honestly, I am discouraged right now.
I know what is true and right and am thinking on those things and our Faithful God who holds us in His hands.
I just wish it could be easier.

We saw the Neurologist today.
More tests tomorrow with an Ear Nose and Throat Doctor who will pin point the leak.

Arizona

I will try and keep you updated while we are here at the Mayo Clinic.
I won't be able to post any of my own pictures until I get back.

Last night we arrived here on one way tickets. We are hoping to get some big time head way with fixing the spinal fluid leak and eliminating these headaches.
We had a relaxing and romantic evening at the Fox Sports Grill watching Monday Night Football. :)
Actually, it was quite fun. The atmosphere was exciting and lively. I'm not a huge football fan but last nights game was great. We only stayed 'till half time 'cause that's all my head, and body, could stand for one day.

This morning I had an hour and a half MRI. Glad to have that one over. It wasn't too comfortable laying on a hard table completely still. My joints were in pain, stiff, and terribly achy.
Tomorrow we consult with the Dr. about his observations.

The kids are at home being taken care of by wonderful Grandmas. It is such a blessing and relief not worrying about them, knowing they are in good care.

What is normal?

Normal, for me,

is constant pressure and ache in the head.
When the normal gets taken away
and exchanged for dreadful then,
when you get the normal back,
it becomes so beautiful!

I'm not quite there yet, but I can feel myself getting back into the "normal".

I still feel a bit fragile.

In fact, just after I told Andrew that I was feeling more like my old self, I kept saying words backwards or mixed up.

Then I got my coffee cup out
and went to pour in the milk (I like to warm up my milk before I put my coffee in so it doesn't cool off the coffee).
Well, I began pouring my milk onto the BOTTOM of my coffee mug, the mug was upside down.

I just had to laugh.

I felt like a crazy person thinking that they were sane but all the while they are crazy so how could they say they were sane if they don't know what sane is?!

The kids are doing great through all of this.

We are thankful for the family and friends who have generously helped us with taking care of the kids and providing meals.
I could not have lived through this week without you!

Even last night when I was feeling better I ended up having to put ear plugs in because my head was still sensitive and I felt like I was in a small room with a circus!

Andrew has been my knight in shining armor.

He has taken on his normal work load and come home to chaos and dealt with it all in stride. He has served me and looked out for my needs. He's been on the phone constantly dealing with hospitals, insurance, doctors and airlines trying to get things worked out.












We are leaving on Monday for Arizona,
Mayo Clinic!
I don't know much more than that they are going to run me through some more tests.
I don't know how they are going to fix this.
I don't know how long we will be there.
I don't know....?


But I do know we are GOING!

I do know that we are on the right track for healing.

I do know that God has taken care of us this far and He will continue to care for us and guide us through the next steps.

What a different perspective life takes on when you brush your teeth laying down on the bathmat.

Today I am feeling a bit better. I have been able to walk around every now and then without my head instantly going into a migraine.

No word yet on when we'll be able to go to the Mayo Clinic.

My heart has such sympathy to those who are in bed rest regularly.
From this point on I will regard them with more compassion and understanding.
It is not hard laying down, but it is absolutely the hardest thing to do when it is all you can do.