Advantage

Joshua is playing football with his school this year.

What a great experience this has been for him.  

Most people look at him 

and see his height as a disadvantage 

but he uses it as an advantage.   

He's a fast runner and smart thinker 

- weaving in and out 

and around other players 

before they even realize what's happening. 

 You can identify Joshua by his blond hair:

 Strategic planning with Dad

Silence.

Sorry about the silence.

I have sat down to write but haven't had the energy to edit and reword things to communicate my thoughts clearly.  It also has often seemed pointless to write at all.

So I end up deleting everything I do write and thus...

silence.

But to be honest about my life I need to share even the things that are painful.  Even if I fear I cannot communicate very well.

Most people are unaware the of the spiritual and emotional pain I am going through because of my silence.  A small part of me wants to scream it out so the world knows but most of me doesn't want to take the effort to explain.  The depth and fullness is indescribable.  When someone deals with continual pain 24/7, 365 days/year it wears on one's mind, soul and body.

I thank the Lord continually that I'm surrounded by people who love me and want to understand.  I am thankful for family and friends who are a constant help.

Maybe the insanity I feel comes from the fact that I am physically function-able.  Yet unpredictably my head pain and nausea/dizziness make cause me to be un-function-able quite often.

I am beyond weary of this sickness.   Beyond weary.

I have been in pain for so long that I have gone through many stages emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I have gained perspective on life

and grown in compassion for the many, many individuals whose lives are constant pain.

My faith has been tested -will I remain steadfast in Truth, in hope?
         (It's not easy to trust God when things don't make sense or when what He has laid out for me doesn't seem to glorify Him and nor use my full potential to bring others to Christ.  My heart wants to serve God deeply but I often feel limited in my capacity.)

I've experienced a depth of
discouragement, 
       despair, 
             and hopelessness that I never thought possible to fall into.  (A result of long term pain going on day after day, after day.)

I've suffered deep grief over the effects of my pain on my family.

I've been through the crazy combination of
emotionally doubting God
             while at the same time holding onto the Truth
               that is in God's Word.

How do I explain all that?  Especially when I'm neck deep in all of it.

Thus, my silence.

BUT that is also the reason I've decided to let you in on the struggles of my life...while I'm in the middle of it all.

Have you ever watched a movie that in the beginning was great, the middle was great, then at the end the main character dies or something tragic happens? 
....it leaves you yelling at the movie, "what?!  You can't end like that!"

We want happy endings.

We want things to work out the way that seems best to us and leaves us feeling good.

Have you noticed that practically most inspirational stories are ones where tragedy has struck but they've overcome and are now living happy?
We hear about their struggles after they have passed through it and are on the other side.


Well, to be honest with you those stories have brought me to tears.  Why?  Because there is no "light at the end of the tunnel" yet for me.  I'm stuck in the middle and have had to rest in the fact that this might be my life.  Hopefully not.  Hopefully doctors will find answers.  But after 4 years of nothing I cannot keep hoping only to have those hopes dashed once again.
 

Real life does not have those story book endings.
 

Yes, to those who have trusted in Christ as their Savior our happy ending is Eternal Life in God's presence.  And nothing, nothing can compare with that.  That promise I hold onto tightly.


But really, who wants suffering all their life?  Most of us want "happy endings" even here on earth...we would even put up with "mediocre endings"...but never suffering! 


Please, don't get me wrong.  I'm not complaining.  My heart recognizes that there are situations far more tragic than my own.


I have much, MUCH to be thankful for.  That is probably the only thing that keeps me from going totally insane: positioning my thinking on thankfulness.

Although I don't feel much joy and peace right now I was reminded the other day:
often joy and peace come when I am fighting the good fight and have remained steadfast.

Overcome.  

I have not given into temptation.  I have listened to the Holy Spirit.
THAT is a reason to rejoice!

Where are you at in life?

Are you worn out?  Are the storms raging?

Have you gone through difficulty?

Remain steadfast.

Are you in a season of comfort?

  

Do you need to prepare yourself for when suffering hits?

Be ready.  

It is the only way to remain steadfast.  

I would have given up a long time ago if God had not prepared my heart for this, years ago.

Isaiah 26:3,4

The steadfast of mind Thou wilt keep in perfect peace,

Because he trusts in Thee.

Trust in the Lord forever,

For in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock.

2 Corinthians 2:14-15; 3:4-5

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in His triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.

For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing...

...And such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.

My Iron Man

 Have you seen this picture of the Iron Man:  

                            

 That is pretty cool, but this is how I picture 

MY Iron Man:

 He doesn't need all those extra shields, gadgets and such.  

All he needs are his own muscles, determination and hours and hours of training.

We traveled 9 hours in the car to:

St. George, UTAH

 We spent a week enjoying the scenery, climbing the rocks, hiking the trails:

 

We stayed in a condo complete with bedrooms, family room, full kitchen, and balcony overlooking swimming pools and basketball court.

Before Andrew's race he would scout out his bike and run courses. 

While he did that we played in the water as much as possible...(I say we but I mean the kids)...I tried to survive my ever so stubborn headaches by hiding in the shade reading. 

RACE DAY started for Andrew at 4:30am.  

The kids and I got up at 5:30am.  We had to drive 1/2 hour where we then we took a bus, with the hundreds of other spectators, to the swim start.

I didn't think we'd find Andrew before the race began (with so many racers), but we did!  

I snapped a quick picture and gave him a big kiss.

 We climbed on some rocks that were a little bit out into the lake.  

It was a GREAT spot to watch and a FUN place for the kids to play.

Andrew swam the 2. mile swim in 1 hour 9 minutes.  Right on his target time.

Then while Andrew biked the 115 miles in an amazing 5 hours we made our way back to our condo and rested.

We headed over to the finish line around 1pm and tried hard to spot Andrew transitioning from the bike to the run.   But somehow we missed him.  It was such a bummer because it was BLAZING HOT and no shade to hide in.  It took every ounce of endurance I had in me to hang in there until the end.  

(12 hours of standing & cheering, traveling to each transition, keeping the kids occupied & coping with heat exhaustion took it's toll).  

Here I am talking as if I'm the the one racing!!!  I had to keep reminding myself that all the people racing were enduring much more pain than I was and that I shouldn't think of complaining.

Andrew completed the full marathon (26 miles) in 4 hours 45 minutes.  His record marathon time was 3 hours 11 min. but the intense hills made it painful and difficult to run as fast as he would've liked.  In spite of it all he was very pleased with his time overall....especially since this was his first ever ironman.

Andrew's Total Race Time was 
11 hours 40 minutes.

Prep for Easter Idea #1

How are you preparing for Easter?

Today we have started our preperation by popping in our first CD of

The Story of the Messiah

a 6 CD set by Sine Ministries

http://www.messiahstory.com/

It takes the 4 Gospels and puts them together chronologically in a dramatic audio presentation.  My Mom gave it to us a couple years ago and we loved how it painted full picture of Christ's coming, death and resurrection.  It was easier when we homeschooled because we would listen to it whenever we were in the car.  Now that they are in school all day those moments are less.  But we're going to give it a try... maybe we'll have to listen to it before bed a couple times also.

Please leave comments if you have any ideas or suggestions that you or your family have liked.

Easter prep

What do you do to prepare for Easter?

 We need some ideas.

Perching Dog

This is a post about Izzy.

She is a short-haired pointer - "bird dog".   

Everything small that moves catches her attention and calls out to her to chase it.  She will even follow dragon flies around the yard!  When stalking her "prey" she will sit, or lean, in her striking position for quite a few minutes.

Smart.  Determined.

Izzy, our 40 lb dog, perches on fences.  

You heard me right.  Perches on the fence.  Like a bird.

I know you wouldn't believe me unless I showed you pictures so here they are:

This squirrel is sitting in the tree taunting Izzy.

So far she's never jumped all the way up and over the fence.  The day she does we'll have to raise the fence.  :)

She will jump up and "perch" at least 20 times a day, especially in the early morning when the squirrels and birds are more active.

ice cream cones

Summer Days

SUMMER??

The calendar says it's winter 

but the weather says it's summer!

When I'm not feeling too well, and I need the kids to play outside, what better way than to hand out ice cream cones!!