Journey

going green

2012-01-27T09:24:00.000-08:00

After my craniotomy I felt very depleted of vitamins and nutrients.

During the surgery I was pumped up with drugs, and then for a week or two afterwords felt soaked in them.
I couldn't eat vegetables or fruit for over a month because my jaw pain was too immense.
But I needed to replenish my body with those essential vitamins. What to do?

Go green.

Every morning I combine:

Kale -1 or 2 leaves

Spinach- 2 or 3 cups

1 apple

5 baby carrots

2 t. flax

I put in all in a blender.

Adding a few ice cubes to step up the taste.

The taste:

I'd be lying if I said the taste was amazing, or delicious.
It took a while to get used to it.
It's not sweet like a fruit smoothie, but has a very fresh and cool flavor.
It has grown on me.

After 1 1/2 months of the same thing for b-fast every morning I've started adding other things to my potion:

cucumbers

blueberries

celery

Orange

What keeps me going back to it every morning is the HUGE nutritional value...

And there is NO way

I could eat that many vegetables

(especially without salad dressing)

every day.

So, I'm staying green...

touching life with my fingertips

2012-01-15T17:44:00.000-08:00

It's been difficult to adjust to the "normal" world.

I've ventured out and tried to increase normal activity slowly but it's been treacherously slow.

Maybe the hardest part is that outwardly I look like I'm back to my old self, and often times I feel like I could be back to it also. But my eyes and head just don't want to cooperate.

If I talk too much,

think too hard,

move too fast,

or am out of the house too long

my eye muscles hurt, my head throbs, and my head wants to burst with exhaustion.

Honestly, it's down-right frustrating to feel like "life" is at my fingertips

yet not be able to take hold of it.

This past month has been a very lonely one.

My house has felt like a prison.   If I go out of the house for too long it increases the stress of coping with the pain and so back into the house I must go. The first month & 1/2 was easy staying home. But this last month I'm like a horse jumping at the bit to get back on the course of life.

Just the past few weeks I've been able to start driving during the day. That has added a lot of freedom and yet has been discouraging because, although the pain is bearable, I cannot do much.

There ARE mornings though

           I wake up and have courage to face the day.

                     I look at the little moments that can place purpose into the mundane day.

                                  And I can see visible expressions of God's love for me.

But then after a few days, discouragement sets in
               I'm crying alone.
                           My kids are wishing I wasn't in pain.
                                         My husband is worn out from carrying the load of the family and doing everything in his power to help me ...and yet still sees me remain in pain.

The only thing that has kept me from crossing into Crazy Land is remembering.

Remembering to trust my Loving Father who provides, and knows, and satisfies all my needs.
Remembering to be thankful for the little things.
Remembering WHO I have around me.
Remembering to have compassion for others in pain.
Remembering that God will care for my family.
Remembering....

One Month later

2011-12-02T15:46:00.000-08:00

It has been a month.

So much progress.

I really don't like putting pictures of myself on here but I thought I should give you a picture that shows how much things have improved:

Successful comb-over

Funny story:

One of the neighborhood kids saw me with my comb-over and exclaimed, "your hair grew back!"

Here's the incision now, still crusty but slowly disappearing. It's not painful. The hair shaved is beginning to grow. The portion of skin/muscle between the incision and my eye was VERY tender & swollen but is now just tender.

How's this for comparison:

WOW!

Do you see where they stapled onto my ear?!

That is still sore.

The Bell's Palsy is improving. My last post I mentioned that I no longer had to gauze shut my eye. But at that point my eyes were still extremely sore and I had to constantly shut them or keep my eyes down.
NOW I can actually look at people when they talk to me. :) The muscles behind the eyes are not as sore, at least in the morning (by evening they still get very achy). I can see because I don't have to use eye "goo" quite so much. I can do things! I can watch TV and be on the computer for longer times.
The other facial muscles on my right side are half working, enough to eat and drink without constantly spewing food out of my mouth! :)

Mentally my brain is back on the right track...not the slow track anymore. That would make the kids laugh sometimes when it took me longer than it should to do something, or when I just couldn't understand what they were saying!

Every day I walk to pick Jeremy up from school. It's a mile round trip. I look forward to getting out of the house, the fresh air and the gentle exercise.

It amazes me the little things that I enjoy since much of every day is the same or has been painful. Holding onto those little smile moments are what have kept me sane.

Like sitting at the window watching the wind toss the trees around.

Eating a treat of some kind that a friend had brought over.

Chai Tea, cozy and warm.

Walking into the backyard when the sun is shining it's warmth into the chilly air.

I have a feeling that being back to "normal" is just around the corner.

3 weeks of Thankfulness

2011-11-25T13:26:00.000-08:00

It has been 3 weeks since my craniotomy and tumor removal.

Painful.

Long.

Unbearable.

Yet in all the pain we've had love and support by family and friends.

God was with me. Is with me. Immanuel. My sustainer, comforter, provider.

In pain there has been a perspective gained of thankfulness:
Thankful that it wasn't worse.
Thankful that I am alive.
Thankful that everyday there has been some sort of progress, no matter how slight.
Thankful that the unexpected hurdles I've had to face are not permanent, but temporary, and in the big picture mild compared to the severity of complications that could've arisen.

Thanksgiving Day my family spent the day with Andrew's parents, a tradition that we have had for years. Watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade eating a big breakfast and enjoying just hanging out.
I stayed home and did my usual resting, reserving my strength for later. Andrew came and got me in the afternoon and I was able to join the family for Thanksgiving Dinner. What a treat!
Honestly, it was physically painful. My eyes were killing me.
But it was so wonderful mentally to be with the people I love!
It was worth it.
I don't have any pictures to share with you yet.
I'm not so scary looking anymore. :)
I'm able to do a pretty good comb-over with my hair that hides the scar.
Although make-up is still difficult to put on the eye affected by bells palsy I was able to put a bit on for thanksgiving yesterday. It felt good to look a bit like my old self. :)

Can you hear me cheering? This is the point I've been praying for: that this would be bearable. Not even pain-free, just bearable. I'm praising God!

One 1/2 Weeks After

2011-11-16T10:52:00.000-08:00

It has been almost two weeks since the tumor came out.
There is a lot to be thankful for!

The throbbing pain has lessened a lot and is actually bearable. Still popping pain pills on a regular basis, but at least they finally seem to make an effect.

I'm not sleeping 24/7 anymore. I gradually moved to every 2 hours taking a 30 min nap to now I only take 2 or three naps a day. I am sleeping on the bed, propped up, rather than sitting up on the couch. That has made a huge difference!

My face swelling has gone down considerably.

The biggest issue we're dealing with right now is Bells Palsy as a result of surgery. That is facial paralisis on the right side. The main difficulty is with my right eye not blinking, drying out and continually stinging. The muscles are all confused. The Bells Palsy makes it impossible to close but the survival instinct of my body makes it want to close so the muscles on both eyes are continually aching and throbbing sore.

I haven't been able to update until now because of the eye issue. I can't see long enough to type. But I wore an eye patch to bed last night to force the eye closed so I'm hoping it will hold off the pain for a couple hours now. :)

Starting last week I began taking walks out of the house. A friend or family member would take me each time. It feels so great to get out. It has been super healthy to get my legs moving without stressing my body out. I never imagined that I could possibly stay inside a house for 10 days straight and still be sane. :) Part of what makes it bearable is that outside the house represents discomfort and added pain to what I already have so my body accepts these walls as protection more than a prison.

I've had a few visitors which have lifted my spirits, let me cry and express my frustrations and who have prayed for me.

We have never felt so supported by friendship and love. Every single person who has done something to ease us through this pain and suffering, whether it's bringing a meal, cleaning my kitchen, bringing flowers, or even just expressed their concern, prayed with us, or sent a letter...all, every little/big thing, has been a gift we have treasured deeply.

God, our Father, the One who adopted us into His own, He set up a beautiful way to care for his children. By creating the "body", the church. Grouping us together to love and care for one another. Loving each other through tragedy, walking with each other through difficulty, bearing one another's burdens.

Thank you for helping us to bear this.

new indian name: Sitting Girl

2011-11-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

Sitting on my rear since Thursday has taken it's toll on my body. I stand up just to change positions and wiggle my legs. But when I stand my head throbs so I'm back on the couch after a couple seconds.
Sunday Morning:

This is just the beginning of the swelling. couldn't even attempt to open the eye, it continued to get worse until Monday and lots of icing (no, not cupcakes- that would've been yummy, but real ice in an ice pack).

If I were feeling good I would've loved to have seen what it looked like going through the airport.
My face was swollen shut, with my little elf hat, I was so drugged up that all I could do was sleep, in a wheelchair, on the floor, just sleep. Andrew worked the brain surgery angle to get us an earlier flight and seats together. One look at me and no one wanted to sit next to me!

I thought coming home would be easier.
If the pain would just lesson I could handle this.
One day at a time.
I'm so hungry, but have no appetite. The meds annoy my empty stomach...thankful for ensure and chicken soup broth...my life lines.
The kids are still with extended family, who are gifts from heaven. They have made this possible. I got to see the kids for a couple min the other day. It was good exposure for them for a gradual move back home.
It's really hard to imagine your mom looking like Quasimodo from Hunchback of Notre dame.
Kind of a shock.

Andrew is an amazing husband. Taking good care of me and patient when I ask him the same question over and over, or say things that are off the wall.

Tuesday:

Please pray that the pain can get back down. I just can't handle this throbbing.

My face doesn't work on the right side unless I manually make it. Like closing my eye or opening my mouth. That will be a slow progression of healing. But I'll be okay with that..it's just I can't handle the pounding and stiff neck from pain -that is torturous.
Okay, enough wining and complaning. :)

Thank you, thank you dear friends for praying... for your love and support through all of this.

Wow, huge scar

2011-11-04T17:42:00.000-07:00

SCARY, huh?!

A much bigger incision than I had anticipated!

It is Friday at 5:30pm, a day 1/2 after surgery and this is the first time my head is not throbbing. If 1 is good and 10 is throwing up, the usual pain has been between 7 & 8.
Tight now it is at a 4. Because they had to cut through a jaw muscle my right jaw is severely sore and will continue to be for a few weeks. the medicine they gave me to help with swelling caused me to puke over and over last night.
the doctors and nurses here are AMAZING. So nice, respectful, and concerned for my best.
Tonight is my first meal. I don't know how much I'll be able to eat with so much pain in my jaw but with little bites my tummy will finally get something filling.
I'll probably get discharged tomorrow and will fly home late sunday night.

Thankk you, thank you for praying and giving words of encouragement. they have been priceless.
I know it's going to still be a long recovery but at least I'm on that path.
Keep the hairstyle ideas coming. I have two hats I bought while here that I'll be wearing, but I'm not sure how comfortable they'll be on the staples.
Now if I can just stay awake long enough to eat my dinner.
Much love,
Jenn

Day before surgery

2011-11-02T19:18:00.000-07:00

Can I just run away and forget all of this?
WEDNESDAY
Picked up Andrew from the airport. Yeay!

Met with the surgen.

They will shave more hair than I thought and will have a bigger incision than I thought.
Here's what my hair looks like right now:

1/2 of my head will be shaved tomorrow morning. From the middle down to my ear.
I'm okay about it. Hair is hair (I say that now, but we'll see how I feel when I look in the mirror in a few days). But I'm stummped at how to style it.

HOW ABOUT A CONTEST?

I'll give a prize to whoever can pick the best hairstyle for after my head gets shaved. I give you "after" pictures in a few days so you can see how much hair is left to work with.

See the big white "heart" on the middle, left? That's my tumor -meningioma.

See ya buddy. You're out of here!

2011-11-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

MONDAY
I'm in Arizona!
I went through a bunch of tests yesterday all in preparation for surgery.
It was a long day. The afternoon was pretty much seeing one seeing one person after another and waiting in-between (translation: dozing in waiting room as much as possible).
All in all it would've been fine if I were a normal person but alas, this exhaustion thing makes it nasty.

The evening was a quiet one.
It surprised me how alone I felt.
I turned off the T.V.& spent some time reading from my Bible. This past week I have had a couple wonderful gifts from friends. One of which were letters with scripture on them. I read some of them and prayed, letting His truth sink in deeply. Please, don't let that sound super spiritual or anything. My heart was desperately slipping into fear. God promises peace to those who keep their eyes focused on Him and meditate on His Word, so that us what I did.

TUESDAY
Woke up with a headache...I think it was the bed.
I made b-fast, watched some news, took a nap.
Yes, took a nap at 9am (That's what my days are usually like).
Found an awesome mall to shop at.
Could hardly function after only 30 min and crashed on a couch in Nordstome's Women's Loung
(AKA bathroom).
After dozing for a while I was able to shop some more.

I went & played dress-up -looking for hats.
Pictures to come

SURGERY

2011-10-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

A couple years ago, in the process of trying to figure out the cause of my headaches, we found out that I have a small tumor, called a meningioma, on the lining outside of my brain. It was small and the dr's said that the way it was positioned that it wasn't in a place to cause any pressure or interference on the brain...meaning that it wasn't causing my headaches. They said it looked like it wasn't growing and to just monitor it every couple of years just to be sure.
Fast forward 2 years...
The tumor is growing.
It's already a size and a half bigger than it was.
The Dr. says it needs to come out.

Yikes!

I am traveling to the Mayo Clinic in AZ to have the surgery done. I've been there quite a few times and have loved the staff and patient care shown, it was an easy choice.

Surgery date:

Thursday

6am

Every once in a while I freak out about the thought.
There's just something about drilling into the skull and being near the brain that makes me nervous ...I mean it's not like it's the control center for the body, oh wait...it is!
Although, I know that the doctors are very familiar with this kind of surgery. I'm not so much fearful about surgery as much as the recovering from surgery. My body does NOT do well with medication. It seems that every surgery I've had has been like facing a slow torturous death in the day or two afterwords. Horrid. Unbearable, yet no choice but to bear it. That's what I fear.

A few days ago on FaceBook I posted my definition of PEACE:
realizing what is out of my control and what is in God's control: smiling at the future "because my God provides all my needs according to the riches that are in Christ Jesus my Lord"...the way may be rough and painful, but He who carries me through is Faithful.

Thank you dear friends,

for encouraging me, holding me up in prayer.

I, or Andrew, will keep you updated

A garden for Miss Mouse

2011-10-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite books growing up:

Miss Mouse was bored of her small garden she grew every year so she decided to dig up all the dirt around her house and plant and plant. It grew bigger than she expected!

Her garden even began growing INTO her house.

It was such a fun story that ended with all of Mouseville working together to rescue Miss Mouse stuck in her house by picking all the veggies then enjoying their work by eating salad together.

Our family has always loved to plant and grow gardens. Small, manageable ones.
Although we did not dig up all around our house, this year we decided to expand our garden area quite a bit.

We also experimented with a few ideas.

We prepped the ground as much as we could.

For the first time we planted from seed.

It's exciting watching the seeds sprout and grow... every morning it seems they've grown an inch.

A Week after planting:

The same plant a week or so after the picture taken above:

This is a great way for the family to hang out together. Once a week we all gather together to pull weeds. The kids are not super excited about this part of a garden :) but Andrew and I really enjoy being able to chat and work together.
A garden takes work.
Lots of it.
But hard work can be rewarding.
Now, if only we can keep those pesty bugs from nibbling too much!

Advantage

2011-09-26T15:05:00.000-07:00

Joshua is playing football with his school this year.

What a great experience this has been for him.

Most people look at him

and see his height as a disadvantage

but he uses it as an advantage.

He's a fast runner and smart thinker

- weaving in and out

and around other players

before they even realize what's happening.

You can identify Joshua by his blond hair:

Strategic planning with Dad

2011-09-07T12:37:00.001-07:00

Silence.

Sorry about the silence.

I have sat down to write but haven't had the energy to edit and reword things to communicate my thoughts clearly. It also has often seemed pointless to write at all.

So I end up deleting everything I do write and thus...

silence.

But to be honest about my life I need to share even the things that are painful. Even if I fear I cannot communicate very well.

Most people are unaware the of the spiritual and emotional pain I am going through because of my silence. A small part of me wants to scream it out so the world knows but most of me doesn't want to take the effort to explain. The depth and fullness is indescribable. When someone deals with continual pain 24/7, 365 days/year it wears on one's mind, soul and body.

I thank the Lord continually that I'm surrounded by people who love me and want to understand. I am thankful for family and friends who are a constant help.

Maybe the insanity I feel comes from the fact that I am physically function-able. Yet unpredictably my head pain and nausea/dizziness make cause me to be un-function-able quite often.

I am beyond weary of this sickness.   Beyond weary.

I have been in pain for so long that I have gone through many stages emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I have gained perspective on life

and grown in compassion for the many, many individuals whose lives are constant pain.

My faith has been tested -will I remain steadfast in Truth, in hope?
         (It's not easy to trust God when things don't make sense or when what He has laid out for me doesn't seem to glorify Him and nor use my full potential to bring others to Christ. My heart wants to serve God deeply but I often feel limited in my capacity.)

I've experienced a depth of
discouragement,
       despair,
             and hopelessness that I never thought possible to fall into. (A result of long term pain going on day after day, after day.)

I've suffered deep grief over the effects of my pain on my family.

I've been through the crazy combination of
emotionally doubting God
             while at the same time holding onto the Truth
               that is in God's Word.

How do I explain all that? Especially when I'm neck deep in all of it.

Thus, my silence.

BUT that is also the reason I've decided to let you in on the struggles of my life...while I'm in the middle of it all.

Have you ever watched a movie that in the beginning was great, the middle was great, then at the end the main character dies or something tragic happens?
....it leaves you yelling at the movie, "what?! You can't end like that!"

We want happy endings.

We want things to work out the way that seems best to us and leaves us feeling good.

Have you noticed that practically most inspirational stories are ones where tragedy has struck but they've overcome and are now living happy?
We hear about their struggles after they have passed through it and are on the other side.

Well, to be honest with you those stories have brought me to tears. Why? Because there is no "light at the end of the tunnel" yet for me. I'm stuck in the middle and have had to rest in the fact that this might be my life. Hopefully not. Hopefully doctors will find answers. But after 4 years of nothing I cannot keep hoping only to have those hopes dashed once again.

Real life does not have those story book endings.

Yes, to those who have trusted in Christ as their Savior our happy ending is Eternal Life in God's presence. And nothing, nothing can compare with that. That promise I hold onto tightly.

But really, who wants suffering all their life? Most of us want "happy endings" even here on earth...we would even put up with "mediocre endings"...but never suffering!

Please, don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. My heart recognizes that there are situations far more tragic than my own.

I have much, MUCH to be thankful for. That is probably the only thing that keeps me from going totally insane: positioning my thinking on thankfulness.

Although I don't feel much joy and peace right now I was reminded the other day:
often joy and peace come when I am fighting the good fight and have remained steadfast.

Overcome.

I have not given into temptation. I have listened to the Holy Spirit.
THAT is a reason to rejoice!

Where are you at in life?

Are you worn out? Are the storms raging?

Have you gone through difficulty?

Remain steadfast.

Are you in a season of comfort?

Do you need to prepare yourself for when suffering hits?

Be ready.

It is the only way to remain steadfast.

I would have given up a long time ago if God had not prepared my heart for this, years ago.

Isaiah 26:3,4

The steadfast of mind Thou wilt keep in perfect peace,

Because he trusts in Thee.

Trust in the Lord forever,

For in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock.

2 Corinthians 2:14-15; 3:4-5

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in His triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.

For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing...

...And such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.

My Iron Man

2011-06-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

Have you seen this picture of the Iron Man:

That is pretty cool, but this is how I picture

MY Iron Man:

He doesn't need all those extra shields, gadgets and such.

All he needs are his own muscles, determination and hours and hours of training.

We traveled 9 hours in the car to:

St. George, UTAH

We spent a week enjoying the scenery, climbing the rocks, hiking the trails:

We stayed in a condo complete with bedrooms, family room, full kitchen, and balcony overlooking swimming pools and basketball court.

Before Andrew's race he would scout out his bike and run courses.

While he did that we played in the water as much as possible...(I say we but I mean the kids)...I tried to survive my ever so stubborn headaches by hiding in the shade reading.

RACE DAY started for Andrew at 4:30am.

The kids and I got up at 5:30am. We had to drive 1/2 hour where we then we took a bus, with the hundreds of other spectators, to the swim start.

I didn't think we'd find Andrew before the race began (with so many racers), but we did!

I snapped a quick picture and gave him a big kiss.

We climbed on some rocks that were a little bit out into the lake.

It was a GREAT spot to watch and a FUN place for the kids to play.

Andrew swam the 2. mile swim in 1 hour 9 minutes. Right on his target time.

Then while Andrew biked the 115 miles in an amazing 5 hours we made our way back to our condo and rested.

We headed over to the finish line around 1pm and tried hard to spot Andrew transitioning from the bike to the run. But somehow we missed him. It was such a bummer because it was BLAZING HOT and no shade to hide in. It took every ounce of endurance I had in me to hang in there until the end.

(12 hours of standing & cheering, traveling to each transition, keeping the kids occupied & coping with heat exhaustion took it's toll).

Here I am talking as if I'm the the one racing!!! I had to keep reminding myself that all the people racing were enduring much more pain than I was and that I shouldn't think of complaining.

Andrew completed the full marathon (26 miles) in 4 hours 45 minutes. His record marathon time was 3 hours 11 min. but the intense hills made it painful and difficult to run as fast as he would've liked. In spite of it all he was very pleased with his time overall....especially since this was his first ever ironman.

Andrew's Total Race Time was
11 hours 40 minutes.

Prep for Easter Idea #1

2011-03-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

How are you preparing for Easter?

Today we have started our preperation by popping in our first CD of

The Story of the Messiah

a 6 CD set by Sine Ministries

http://www.messiahstory.com/

It takes the 4 Gospels and puts them together chronologically in a dramatic audio presentation. My Mom gave it to us a couple years ago and we loved how it painted full picture of Christ's coming, death and resurrection. It was easier when we homeschooled because we would listen to it whenever we were in the car. Now that they are in school all day those moments are less. But we're going to give it a try... maybe we'll have to listen to it before bed a couple times also.

Please leave comments if you have any ideas or suggestions that you or your family have liked.

Easter prep

2011-03-20T16:50:00.000-07:00

What do you do to prepare for Easter?

We need some ideas.

Perching Dog

2011-03-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

This is a post about Izzy.

She is a short-haired pointer - "bird dog".

Everything small that moves catches her attention and calls out to her to chase it. She will even follow dragon flies around the yard! When stalking her "prey" she will sit, or lean, in her striking position for quite a few minutes.

Smart. Determined.

Izzy, our 40 lb dog, perches on fences.

You heard me right. Perches on the fence. Like a bird.

I know you wouldn't believe me unless I showed you pictures so here they are:

This squirrel is sitting in the tree taunting Izzy.

So far she's never jumped all the way up and over the fence. The day she does we'll have to raise the fence. :)

She will jump up and "perch" at least 20 times a day, especially in the early morning when the squirrels and birds are more active.

ice cream cones

2011-03-11T19:25:00.000-08:00

Summer Days

SUMMER??

The calendar says it's winter

but the weather says it's summer!

When I'm not feeling too well, and I need the kids to play outside, what better way than to hand out ice cream cones!!

sleep exhaustion

2011-02-25T14:38:00.000-08:00

Am I sleeping TOO much?

A couple weeks ago I took a sleep test, digging deep into the way my body sleeps.

The results are in. I do not have sleep apnea. I do not have narcolepsy. I do not have restless leg syndrome. My oxygen levels are great.

But...the graphs showed that I rarely went into deep sleep, sometimes I was in middle sleep, and most often I stayed in very light sleep...a recipe for exhaustion.

Since I did not have any specific diagnosis of why my brain is not going into deep sleep, the dr. went over suggestions for setting up my surroundings and my body to get good sleep. (Because I've researched this many times in the past, I was already quite familiar to them and had adapted most into my routine).

One new suggestion she had was to limit my sleep (overall time laying down in bed). Since my brain stays too much in light sleep we are going to try and break the cycle by making my body crave sleep more.

I have to stay up later. 2 hours later.

It will take a good month to see any progress.

oh, the words he says!

2011-02-22T11:16:00.000-08:00

Jeremy comes up with the funniest words!

He is constantly talking and asking questions. Often he doesn't think about it, he just talks.
Like when we're right around the corner from our house: "Are we almost home, Mom?"
Even when he was still in Haiti, as a 2 & 3 year old, we were told that he would talk and talk....to anyone who would (or wouldn't) listen! :)

Today we went out grocery shopping.

As we were picking out meat for dinner I put some chicken in the cart.
Jeremy asked, "Chicken comes from lions, right Mom?"
Smiling, I said, "From lions?!" "You asked if chickens, CHICK-ENS, come from lions?"
Jeremy: "They do?"
Then I asked very slowly stressing one word in particular, "What do chi-ck-ens come from?"

"Meat?" He asked.

Once finished, and getting into the car, Jeremy was clapping his hands and slapping his thighs.
"Mom," he said, "I'm playing poddy-cake."
Me: "PODDY-cake?!"

"Uhhhhh, nooooooo, actually we call it PADDY-cake."

pictures

2011-01-28T15:55:00.000-08:00

Puddles for Christmas?

2010-12-21T14:49:00.000-08:00

A Dog for Christmas

Angela has a heart that breaks for homeless animals.
We've talked about getting another dog but have been waiting for a good time. I am home a lot and things are pretty low-key around here so we decided we'd surprise Angela and get her a dog from the SPCA for Christmas.

We've had her for almost 2 weeks.
This little puppy has been a wonderful addition!

She is about 5 months old.
She rarely barks.
She sleeps all night in her crate.
She knows the system of going outside to do her business.
She is gentle and submissive.

Her name is Puddles.

She loves curling up in any lap available.

She even helps with the laundry:

She helps us find all the paper airplanes Joshua has been busy making (and she tears them to shreds):

She's even helped remove small plastic toys off the ground for me. (of course I have to remove them from her mouth...)

Izzy has accepted her into the family and they often sleep next to each other.

I was a little hesitant at the thought of caring for a new puppy. But she has been a lot easier than expected!

Run Well

2010-11-24T11:38:00.000-08:00

Andrew completed his second marathon.

He has been dedicated and consistent in his training.

He ran great, even though he was dealing with a head cold.

Andrew has been a great example to me of perseverance, dedication and focusing all his energy on a goal.
He sacrificed many mornings to wake up before 5am to run. Everything he ate and drank, and every activity he did, leading up to the race, he measured against how it would effect his running.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.

And everyone who competes in the games exercises self control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.

Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air;

But I buffet my body and make it my slave lest possible, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified.

Often we loose focus of what our goal is in this temporal life.

What would happen if we focused on the goal, the eternal goal: loving God and out of our love for Him we can't help but love others...and measured everything we did against how it would effect our goal?

There were quite a few people from our church (the Well) running in the race...so this sign has double meaning!

Having the support of family friends is essential!

Galations 6:9-10 Let us not loose heart in doing food for in due tie we shall reap if we do not grow weary, so then while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

Revelation 3:21 He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.

Run Well.

Pumkin Patch

2010-10-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

A day at the pumpkin patch...a day with cousins

The kids got to run free and feel adventurous

and pick out their own pumpkins, cutting it right off the plant

I think this was the cutest pumpkin of all:

a wagon to carry

A corn maze to hide and seek

Cousin Fun

Tire swings...hay ride

A great afternoon!

It was a windy day and cool weather.

My wonderful Mother in Law arranged the event and even brought yummy snacks.

My head wasn't doing too well so that was frustrating. But it didn't affect the fun that the kids got to enjoy with each other.

Fall Planting

2010-10-20T10:55:00.000-07:00

About a month ago Andrew surprised me and brought home a green house house type container and a bunch of seed packets.

First we soaked the small sections of dirt:

Then we worked together to drop the seeds inside each section of dirt:

Andrew labeled each row of seeds and put them in the container:

We put them in a place where they could get sunshine and we watered them every couple of days...

...and waited...

Then we saw the seeds begin to sprout.

What an exciting day!

Now the plants are growing leaves and getting stronger:

Soon we'll move the plants outside, they will grow stronger and fuller and be ready to transplant into the ground.

Family Nights

2010-10-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

Family nights are very special in our house.

We are big fans of having FUN.

Board games are especially great.

I have to admit it's not as easy as popping in a movie. Sometimes we have to deal with our own impatience when for the 20th time we're having to tell the next person it's their turn, or if my head is hurting I'd rather not deal with the noise and mental focus of encouraging or instructing.

But the interaction is awesome and worth the effort.

It's an opportunity beyond just playing a game.

It's time to listen to each other and for each person to express themselves in a safe environment.

We've found that when the kids feel welcomed and loved at home they are much more confident when they go out and deal with the difficulties of life.

The unity that grows when we spend time together is priceless.

Enjoying each other.

Especially now that the kids are in public school these times together are much more rare and sought after.

Sometimes we break out and do something crazy...

Like setting up an obstacle course outside that we're all timed separately to complete.

Or we do an impromptu pile into the car for ice cream cones.

A couple times we've put on crazy music and let the kids dance...okay, I confess, we dance too!

One month Andrew read a chapter from an exciting book (Hardy Boys) every couple of nights.

What do you do when your family gets a night to spend together?

Ice skating

2010-10-08T14:10:00.000-07:00

Angela loves ice skating! On her birthday, back in March, we had promised to take her ice skating sometime.

So...on her 6 month b-day :) we went ice skating.

Angela and Joshua picked it up real quick and were speeding around the rink in no time at all.

Jeremy, on the other hand, had a bit of trouble.

This was his first time ever!

They let him use a little walker to help him get the idea of it. But he still slipped and fell all over the place. He was not a happy camper for a while.

We left him alone for a couple rounds to keep practicing on his own and he started getting the hang of it.

We played "tag" on the ice!

The kids wanted to stay there forever.

By the end Jeremy ventured out on the ice without the walker!

By the end Andrew and I were wiped out.

Block Party

2010-09-17T16:24:00.000-07:00

Although we've been involved in this area for a couple years, we just recently moved to into the neighborhood 2 months ago. Our two oldest kids go to the public school a couple blocks away. We have gotten to know many of the children because they come to our house after school to play with our kids. But getting to know the parents and other family members has been much harder.

Having a block party is a great way to get people out of their houses in a relaxed and comfortable way.

We paired up with our next door neighbor (who also goes to our church and share the same vision of living out the gospel in our community) to work as a team. They took on most of the load and started us off by going door to door telling everyone about the block party and acquiring signatures needed to close off our street.

Setting up signs to limit traffic was essential! It allowed the kids to play on the street and for the party to not just be on our front lawns but in the middle creating a unified presence.
During the 4 hour event about 30-40 kids and adults came. It was awesome to see people from different ethnicity mingled together. Neighbors who have lived on the same block for years finally got the chance to meet. The barrier between awkwardly waving when driving by to actually meeting face to face and talking was broken. This event brought out the parents, uncles, aunts, grandmas, grandpas...you name it!

Our goal was not to put on a party for people to come to but to initiate a gathering where everyone was a part and contributed in some way. We provided the burgers, utensils, and some drinks while everyone else in the neighborhood contributed side dishes and drinks. Tables were set out in the street and people brought lawn chairs.

We set up speakers to project music and set a fun atmosphere.

In putting out toys our goal was to have something to stimulate playing without it being an "organized" game that would require one of us to lead. Our hope was to be relational during this time not to put on a carnival! :)

So...we put out legos for the small kids, sidewalk chalk, hoola-hoops, jump ropes, and scooters. Also the weather was hot so we put out a slip'n'slide. We brought out a child's basketball hoop and put it into the street. A teen boy saw what we were doing and brought over his full sized hoop and started a game with some of the other boys. Kids also brought their bikes and rode on the closed off street.

It worked out great! The kids were busy playing while the parents visited.

There was plenty of food! I loved being able to taste all different flavors and recipes.

Towards the end an elderly gentleman brought out his boom-box and put on some Mexican music. He began dancing with all the women. I couldn't understand his words but when he pointed at me it was quite clear that it was my turn to dance! I must confess it was quite awkward! I am not by nature rhythmic, but the whole point was to be willing to step into others lives and cultures, embracing our differencing...and laughing about it too!

Then came out the karaoke box!

As we began cleaning up, the music and laughter still went on.

I have never been a part of a block party before so this was all a new experience. It definitely requires going out of our comfort zones. Our culture tends to drive out of our houses, do our activities, drive into our garages, shutting the door and unintentionally never engaging with the people who live right on our block, never adding anything to our community. Most of us do not intend this to happen, it is just the natural way things move...unless we intentionally make a change.

It is only because of the sacrificial of love that God has shown that I am able to gather up the courage to move out of my comfort zone and routine and reach out to our neighbors.

JEREMY

2010-08-24T20:09:00.000-07:00

It is finished!

One thing to know about adoptions is that it always seems like there is "one more process" to go through or one more paper to fill out. Even when we thought we were at the end of it a year and a half ago there were still "more of this and that" and "wait another year for one more thing" before it's all completed.

Well, Friday AUGUST 20th we walked into the US court room,

said "I do" and the judge made it all official and complete.

Not only is Jeremy always and forever recognized as one of the Youngs, he is also a US citizen.

Our judge was super nice.

We were thankful for the family members who sacrificed their time to come and support us and for those who wished they could be there.

Jeremy's cousin Edie on the left and his Grandma in the back...

Another wonderful grandma....

Jeremy's uncle and Grandpa...

His cousin Emery, Aunti-lolo, of course his sister and also his uncle...

Another picture of Emery 'cause she's just SO cute!

Already being a year 3 months since Jeremy's been home we no longer first think of him as the little guy we adopted but as...Jeremy. I don't know how much that makes sense....but I guess it's not that we forget that he's adopted, it's that THAT is not what defines him to us anymore. He's JEREMY, full of energy, curious about everything, always has something to say or ask (his nick-name: walkie-talkie), when he gets excited he gets loud...I mean LOUD and overflowing with excitement! It just pours out of him.

This is our Jeremy. This is who we love!

FAMILY NIGHT

2010-08-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

Every Tuesday night is our Family Night.

We make it a point to spend time laughing and enjoying each other.

Last night we played a new game together...a twist on the old time game of Uno.

It was fun and crazy.

Then we dished up some super YUM ice cream.

Jeremy decided it was better on his face than in his tummy:

While the kids got ready for bed,

Andrew entertained us with some AWESOME juggling:

(our air conditioner doesn't work very well..thus the boys often go shirtless...personally, I think Andrew just likes to show me how studly he looks)

And, if you've never heard the story, the first time Andrew and I ever met he was juggling rubber chickens...a whole 'nother story for a whole 'nother post. :)

___________________________________________

This morning the kids biked to school for the first time:

They were so excited! Biking on their own is a sign of responsibility. Joshua is great at taking the lead and watching out for his sister.

Jeremy misses his brother and sister.
He watched them ride away as Daddy followed in his truck to be sure they crossed all the streets safely.

I let Jeremy ride his bike in the front while I did my Bible study on the front porch.

It was a beautiful morning.

When we went inside, I took a nap while Jeremy watched a little TV show.
Then we spent some time going over our letter of the day "Hh".

Now we're eating lunch and the day is only half over. I've got a lot to do but little energy and motivation to do it! They're not things that HAVE to be done, just what would be good to get done, so it's okay.

First Day of School

2010-08-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

The kids are off to school.

The first time in our lives that BOTH of the older kiddos are in public school. Last year was Joshua's first year, this year is Angela's first.

5th Grade:

Angela was excited about this new adventure. But today as I left her in her classroom I could tell she didn't want me to leave.

3rd Grade:

I thought that I would cry today.

So far I haven't. Maybe I'm too tired to cry. :) Joshua was up super early this morning out of excitement.
I am sad that I cannot homeschool them this year. We had hoped that the answer to my headaches and exhaustion would have been solved by now. But alas, here we are still on the investigation.

I have loved teaching and seeing each child's mind develop and grasp concepts. There are many things to discover in God's world and it has been wonderful that I've been able to experience it with them. I will miss that dearly.

This year I get the awesome fun of doing as much as I can with Jeremy. I will guide him through Kindergarten. This week is our preparation and planning and then next week we'll start full steam ahead. My energy level is often low and I still need lots of rests so we'll see how it all fits together. I can't believe how quiet and calm he it is just him and I.
I'm looking forward to this next year.
New challenges for all of us. It's a good thing. New challenges bring new adventures. Hard things can be good when we let God use them to purify us and mold us into His will.

health update

2010-08-12T09:11:00.000-07:00

Went to the nutritionist.

Nothing new. Nothing has changed.

Every day I am still exhausted. Head in such a thick fog I can barely think.

More tests. At least they're not painful tests! Just spitting in tubes and such. :)

Every test I take I learn more about my body and the crazy way it functions. Although I do not have to stick to my food deprivation diet strictly I am still avoiding as much of those foods as possible. This will continue to give my body the greatest opportunity to be strong.

Isaiah 35 (condensed)

The wilderness and desert will be glad

...and will rejoice and blossom like the lily

...it will blossom profusely and rejoice with rejoicing and shout of joy

...they will see the glory of the LORD, the majesty of our God.

Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble

...."Take courage, fear not. Behold your God will come with vengeance; the recompense of God will come, but He will save you."

Then the eyes of the blind will be opened and the ears of the deaf will be unstopped. Then the lame will leap like a deer, and the tongue of the dumb will shout for joy.

...waters will break forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert. And the scorched land will become a pool, and the thirsty ground springs of water.

...the ransomed of the LORD will return and will come with joyful shouting to Zion, with everlasting joy upon their heads, they will find gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

Is there ever an end to feeling miserable?
Besides in heaven?
Here on earth will I ever feel good again?

Physically my body feels like a zombie (dead, yet walking around) but my soul has been redeemed through Christ's sacrifice, and my spirit is ALIVE.

My body is a desert scorched and dry, but because of the power of God, His Living Water has been poured out to me.

God, my Father, is my light, salvation, my shepherd, my hope and joy.

My sweet mother-in-law gifted us with a creative covering for shade in our backyard.

It is a great spot for many of my plants that need shade.

Then another person gave us a patio table and chairs.

We are SO thankful for such kindhearted generosity!

We love being in the backyard...playing, eating our meals, reading...any reason we can think of!

TATE

2010-08-07T14:22:00.000-07:00

Isn't this the cutest picture EVER?!

This is my nephew, Tate.

I loved being able to see him, kiss him and play with him!

It was great catching up with my sister and brother-in-law too. Kentucky is too far away. I wish we were closer to stay in touch better. So I treasure these moments dearly!

The next couple days are devoted to recouping from the trip. Although I was only gone for 4 days I missed my family SO much. My husband was super great and surprised me by cleaning the house and stocking the fridge before I got home. He's amazing.

On Monday I go in for a doctors appointment so I'll update you on that next week. My headaches and exhaustion are very much the same. No change.

Next week is our last week before school starts. This year both of the two older kiddos will be going to public school (last year it was just Joshua). I will miss not having them here. I love how helpful they are.

Family Fun

2010-07-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

We are LOVING being in a neighborhood!

Here's a bit of what we've been up to:

Unpacking boxes.

Playing outside.

When it's too hot outside....

reading books:

or Playing games....

The boys have especially enjoyed playing soccer in the front yard.
And when it gets too hot Dad sprays them off with the hose:

cookies make it GREAT!

Izzy has had a blast running in the back yard!

She gets her work out running after birds and squirrels. Now, whenever she is inside, she is pooped out!

On Friday, Andrew left out of town for a work project. He'll be gone for a week and a half.
Since we are on our own for a while, we decide to have a little kid FUN:

BOX FORTS!

I let the older two kids sleep in the box fort last night.

They loved it!

I must confess that I did not.

The box tape made noise when ever they moved, then one of them lost a stuffed animal in the middle of the night and woke us all up, then nobody could really fall asleep after that...so we were up around 5am.

Let's just say I had a rough morning and was a wee bit tired! :)

Evening here though and I'm feeling good.

Moved in!

2010-07-17T14:31:00.000-07:00

We're in our house

and it's beginning to feel like home.

I can't tell you how great it is to be in a neighborhood again! I've dearly missed walking outside on sidewalks, sitting on the front porch, sending kids outside to get dirty!

The nice thing about no grass is that the kids are free to dig and play in the dirt!

I'm excited about the neighborhood we live in. The first impulse most people would have living here would be fear. The dangers of living in an area plagued with drugs, poverty, prostitution and desperation are all too real.
Although as a child, I grew up in this kind of environment, God helped me to see more than just the actions. I saw the frustration of real people trapped in these cycles. The sadness, the despair, the hopelessness, the imprisonment. As a child I would leave aluminum cans with verses taped to the top of them for the constant homeless that would camp outside my house to pick up. I didn't know how I could show God's love, being a child, but my heart ached for them. Being back in this area my heart still aches for them to know the freeing love of God, His forgiveness and the hope we have in Him.

...things we're thinking on...

What does it mean to love our neighbor as our self? God places this command next to loving Him. How can I do this practically? Do my neighbors (not just hypothetical, but actual neighbors) really see my love for God played out in how I love them?

Moving!

2010-07-07T21:22:00.000-07:00

What's going on?

Well, at our house we have a couple things we're excited about.

This week we're dog-sitting a little pug, Rocky.

He's a cute little ball of energy to match Izzy's.

Both dogs have gotten along really well. It took a couple days for us to figure out the rhythm of who to feed when and when to let outside and for how long and such...but now we're swinging in time.

The kids LOVE Rocky.

This morning Joshua was crooning to Rocky, "Nothing can ever keep me from loving you, Rocky."

Then later, I couldn't find Jeremy..and the house was quiet: which usually means someone is up to something naughty!...but there he was, siting with Rocky, smiling and Rocky was as content as ever!

We are moving into a new house!

God has literally gifted us with this rental.

For a while now we've been looking for a house that is near the kid's school. We know God wants us to be in that neighborhood and to be accessible to the families that we are in contact with.

We've been praying and waiting.

We are so thankful to God.

We know both of the families on each side of our house...how cool is that! And we know a couple others from our church who live around the corner and another who is a couple streets away.

We had to fix the fence, paint the inside, remove the carpets, and run a little wire...but other than that it is a GREAT house, ready to move in:

Andrew is such an amazing man. He knows exactly what to do to make things work! Joshua has been spending time with him learning.

Check out what was under the carpets:

Beautiful hardwood flooring!

Yes, the tile is pink and blue (in the kitchen and bath). Oh well! It really doesn't matter. We're not looking for perfection.

More pictures later...I've got boxes to pack. It seems never ending! I have not been looking forward to the packing and unpacking process. The last week my head has been okay...almost good at times.

Thank you family and friends for all your offers of help and encouragement.

new song

2010-07-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

The first time I heard this song was by a christian band called Down and Away. It touched my heart so deeply. Our greatest calling is to follow God with all our heart, mind soul and strength and that our words and thoughts will match our deeds.

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart,
bless Your Name, bless Your Name, Jesus.
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways,
speak of You, speak of You, Jesus.

And this is what I'm glad to do
to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You.

Lord will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my life, the Way.
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
only You'll be the first of my heart.

Jeremy 1 yr home

2010-06-06T14:30:00.000-07:00

Learning to communicate, to grow in love and grace, to enjoy discovering God's handiwork in someone... family.

When we first brought Jeremy home he was:

shy and timid in new circumstances, fascinated with pictures, could never eat enough, liked all foods except fresh vegetables, could only understand a few words in English, had a tremendous fear of dogs, was scared of the water, was a GREAT helper (he was most secure when helping with a chore or job), had a short attention span, would stay by my side non stop, curious about EVERYTHING, wouldn't play with toys, loved to dance, when excited would jump up and down shouting at the top of his lungs (this was usually when we were going in the car somewhere), always spoke at 10 decibels higher than anyone else...

1 year later he:

likes talking people's ears off and regards new people as new friends, has moved up 2 clothes sizes, likes to eat but doesn't stuff his face, will now eat salad (although it's still not a favorite), loves swimming, speaks English well, loves his Izzy dog, likes wrestling with his brother and sister, plays soccer and basket ball all over the house, can put puzzles together and can identify most of his ABC's, his favorite place is the park so he can ride his bike (no training wheels anymore!), he's always ready for a hug and tickles, he's learning how to communicate feelings, now he only speaks 2 decibels higher :), he usually gets in trouble because of his curiosity...he's learning to "think first", likes the companionship and help of his big sister and brother, his best friend is his cousin Edie, has a ton of extended family all around that he has bonded with, he really likes running (someday he wants "to be like Daddy and do a triathlon")...

Acupuncture & Food

2010-05-20T15:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been so quiet.

It's hard posting anything when there's nothing "good" to post about.

In regards to fighting these headaches, the latest two things that I have been trying are:

1. Acupuncture.
I had the last of three sessions this morning. I thought acupuncture was supposed to be relaxing...I guess I had the wrong impression! Boy, oh boy, is it painful. Although my pain tolerance could be low being in pain all the time, for such a long duration. Or maybe the location of the pins being on the face it's more painful than other areas...he put a few on my arms and hands and those didn't hurt as bad.
This morning's session was extra painful and the floodgates opened up. I couldn't stop the tears from falling and the worse part was that because I had pins (27 of them) poking out all over I couldn't move to blow my nose or wipe my tears. I couldn't tell what was blood or tears dripping down my ear...when the time was all finished, the gal who took the pins out said it was both. :)

2. Food.

Last month I took a blood test to see what foods I am sensitive to (maybe food, even "good food", is causing irritation in my system).

I have been deprived of many of my regular foods for the past 13 days.

Below are the list of things I cannot eat.
I put in bold the foods that are making meals difficult:

All dairy
Fructose that has been added to any product
cinnamon
basil
vanilla
lime
orange
ginger
celery
cauliflower
spinach
string bean (sweet peas & peas are okay)
eggplant
squash (yellow and zucchini)
almond
mustard
peanut
soybean (any soy product: soybean oil...in most breads, dairy substitutes, salad dressings, some sauces, snacks..even my face wash and lotion!)
Lamb
turkey
Beef
codfish
crab
halibut
salmon sole
tuna
Brewers Yeast
carob
cocoa
cottonseed (an oil in many breads, chips and cracker products)
coffee (this was easy to give up physically but I can't tell you how much I enjoyed the aroma & ambiance of coffee. It's more the warmth and coziness I miss than the drink itself)

It is surprising how many of these ingredients slide sneakily into food. The first couple of days on this food deprivation diet :) I was super hungry all the time because I couldn't find much that didn't have these ingredients in them - besides boring 'ol fresh salad (oil & vinegar dressing) and chicken. I like fresh veggies but NOT as my every meal.

One food that is hidden in many things is soy. It is driving me crazy how much it's tampering with my choices!!

It is getting easier finding things to eat.

Eating just isn't as fun anymore.

Food, and making meals, was one of the few things I've been able to enjoy these days, now even that has been taken away. I know, I know I sound like a whiner. I don't mean for it to sound like that!

Despite all this I am continually reminding myself to be grateful. To keep perspective. Although there is a lot to be frustrated about there is also a LOT to be thankful about.